4 Things to Ask if You've Gone From Lovers to Roommates

 

Here’s something no one talks about when you’re trying to fix your relationship.

As a therapist, I see this all the time:
Couples come in hoping for reconnection, but they skip this first, crucial step.

Before you can rebuild closeness, you have to understand what pulled you apart.

That means slowing down and getting curious, not just about your partner, but about yourself.

When couples feel disconnected, it didn’t happen overnight.
It was likely small things over time like missed moments, unspoken needs, and just life being heavy.

Here are a few questions I encourage my clients to explore:

🌿 When did things start to feel different?
(This helps you identify a timeline and when the disconnect started)

🌿 What changed in our lives, our routines, or how we interact?
(This helps you reflect on what started the change)

🌿 What needs of mine have gone unmet, and how have I been coping with that? (This helps you understand where your emotional energy is going and whether you’re giving yourself the care and attention you truly need.)

🌿 Have I been avoiding certain conversations or feelings?
(This helps you connect with what you’ve been avoiding or uncomfortable truths you may have a hard time sitting with)

And if it feels right, gently invite your partner into the reflection:
“I’ve been thinking about how I miss us. I wonder if you’ve been feeling that too?”

You don’t have to fix it all at once.

You just have to start, with honesty, and a little compassion for where you’ve both been.

https://www.lifebydesigntherapy.com/holistic-somatic-therapists